Hey guys :) I know my blog has little to no readers at all, but I'm still going to be talking a little bit about my life today. Not that you guys are even interested anyway, but I'm still going to do it :P I'm sorry it's kind of long though.
So since I was young I never had many friends. It was most of the time just me and my best friend. But here's the thing, my best friend never really stayed my best friend for very long, as soon as we switched classes and were not in the same class/school anymore, we sort of drifted apart and no matter how hard we tried to stay best friends, it never really worked out... Maybe it was because as we went to different classes and different schools, we all made new friends and the schedules and all that were different, yet no one really made the extra effort to make time, so as time went be y, we just drifted apart from each other.
So every 1 or 2 years, I would have a new best friend. But I guess I should consider myself lucky that I at least had a best friend. Then again, here's the thing, as time went by, I slowly got REALLY REALLY irritated with my best friend, I guess I should have just kept reminding myself that nobody is perfect and I should love my best friend for who she is. But they all had their annoying, irritating and bad traits, and these traits sort of got the better of me as time went by. I guess that also contributed to why we drifted apart when we went our separate ways.
It wasn't until I was 11 that I met this one friend... We went through literally everything together. We went through major exams together, got scolded together, comforted one another, went for remedial together, basically we went through thick and thin with one another. I really thought that she was the one, the one friend that would stick with me and support me throughout even when we went our separate ways. But as time went by, her flaws got the better of me too, and I started to get really irritated with her, and we started quarreling a lot too. When we were both 12, we had to sit for a major exam, and I guess it was because the major exam put a lot of stress on us and sort of pushed us closer together and helped to patch things up between us. So basically, after the major exam, school was a lot more relaxed and it also gave us time to bond more with one another. It was then that I started to think that she was THAT friend again, the one who would stick with me throughout.
But it turns out, I was wrong. After the major exam results came out, my results were better than her by quite a huge margin, but after having gone though so much together, I even thought of giving up my chances of going to a good school and go to a school of her standard just so we can be together, but I knew it would make my parents upset and I would be letting them down after they had been expecting so much from me. So we ended up going to different schools, and as I had feared, we drifted apart. We tried to meet up whenever possible, but somehow, I just knew that sometimes she would make up some fake excuse just so she wouldn't have to go out with me. But I don't blame her, cause I sort of did the same thing sometimes too. I mean, with out different schedules and all that, sometimes we were really tired or we would want to go out with our friends from our current school but didn't dare to say so to the other party. And because of that, we drifted apart even though we still occasionally talk to each other and try to meet up.
Anyway, moving on. Now that I'm in a different school, I have a new best friend. But here's the thing, this best friend has got to be the worst best friend I have ever had. We've been friends for almost 2 years already, yet we haven't gone though much thick and thin together. The major problem is that she really wants to be best friends with this other girl in my class, but this other girl already has a best friend and things wouldn't really reach the level of 'best friends' between them. So that was why she continued being my best friend. So in other words, she was sort of using me as a backup. I didn't really notice at first, but it got really obvious after a while, and it really hurt too. Not only that, this best friend didn't act like a best friend at all, she treated me like her assistant or her secretary. She would boss me around and demand me to do things, and she would always take her anger out on me. When she was feeling depressed, she would just ignore me and start shouting at me, knowing that I would say anything back. She thinks that I don't say anything back because I don't dare to, but the truth is, I'm not scared of her, I just don't want to ruin this friendship anymore than it already is. And she expected me to comfort her and agree with her whenever she was depressed or angry. But when I was depressed or angry, she would insensitively just oppose to everything I say and she would never comfort me no matter how much I needed it and she would always take it that she was always right.
Basically, she thought I was lower than her, and that I was scared of her so I had to listen to everything she said yet she didn't have to care about my feelings and that I should be lucky just to be her backup friend. She treated me like dirt and that I was worse than her. It wasn't until then that I realized how much I loved my old best friend, and no matter how I tried to tell myself that everyone has their flaws, my current best friend isn't even treating me like her friend at all.
Then, at the same time, I met this group of friends though CCA. And as time went by, we became really really close. We really went through thick and thin together, and I really though that they could be the group of people that I could fall back on instead of my current "best friend". But then, this competition came along, where we had to compete against each other, and I guess that sort of strained our relationship a lot. Then, we sort of patched up after the competition was over but like the saying goes "you can put a broken mirror back together, but you'll never truly get rid of the cracks". And to make things worse, some of us were selected for another competition while the rest were not, and some of them got really jealous which again, strained our relationship further. And after that, we never really patched things up and we've remained distant with each other. But the thing about my group of friends is that those in the same class became really close and they sort of formed mini groups to go against each other and they all secretly hated each other.
I actually find it really scary how you could have so many people hating you, yet you won't know. And somehow, I feel that my this group of friends hate me now. So technically speaking, I don't have anybody to fall back on now. I'm just this loner girl in the school. But what really hurts is that my group of friends have drifted so far apart from being so close together. We used to go through EVERYTHING together, but we ended up secretly hating each other. And when I try to solve the problem, like organizing meet-ups and all that, nobody would bother to make time out of their schedule. It was then that I realized how important it was to make that little sacrifice, like making just a little bit of time out of your schedule just to keep the friendship going. And I wish I had known that earlier before so many of my friendships failed. So now I'm just waiting for that one special friend that will TRULY stick with me throughout and go though thick and thin with me. But sometimes I start to wonder if I'll ever meet that one friend. All I can do is hope... But for now, it's just me against the world.
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