Recently, my mum got admitted into the hospital, I was really worried at first but it turns out it was nothing big, it was just a small matter as long as she took the antibiotics and furthermore, she seems perfectly fine in the hospital, she doesn't look in the least bit sick, and she said she's feeling fine now too. I guess it was my mum's admittance to the hospital that triggered my urge. I have been visiting her everyday after school for the past few days and I have been taking care of her because most of the time she can't really move around much because the drip is fixed there, so I have to help her, but as much as I love my mum, and I'm willing to do anything for her, it has been getting extremely tiring. After helping her and all that at the hospital, I still have to rush back and do my homework and recently I've been getting a TON of projects. I stay up till 2-3am everyday because I spent most of my days at the hospital helping my mum.
But, honestly, I don't mind, I mean of course I'm super exhausted and all that, but the weird thing is that I actually like spending most of my day going to the hospital to keep my mother company and just help her. Because most of the time, it's just me and her alone in the room and we get to spend quality time with each other, which is something that we haven't been able to do recently. But it still pains me to see her suffer because I know she doesn't like staying in the hospital, but I for one, strangely enjoy going to the hospital. I can't even describe how much I want to take her place. I know it's really stupid and immature to want to get admitted into the hospital, but I really can't help it, no matter how much I try to persuade myself that it's not a good thing, I still can't help but want to get in.
I guess one of the reasons is that recently I've been really stressed out and there's just been so much going on in such a short period of time, I guess I just need a break from everything. I know, I know, you think I'm just stupid and immature and selfish and that I'm making my parents worry and I'm going to be taking up the space of those who REALLY need medical attention and all that, but I'm sorry, I just can't help it no matter how hard I try. Maybe it's also because when I go and visit my mum, she looks so carefree and relaxed because she doesn't have to do anything except just relax all day and she's getting so much attention from the whole family. But for me, I just need a break from everything, I guess the only reason I want to get admitted in is that it'll be a break from everything, I really don't want my parents to worry for me or anything and I don't need their attention (though that would be nice), I just need to get away from everything.
I know you are probably thinking that there's so many ways I can take a break and get away, but if you were me, you would know that there really is no way out. There's just so much going on and so many responsibilities, I can't just throw everything down, I'll be hated by everyone and I won't be trusted anymore. The only way I can get away from things is if I really had a valid reason, a reason that can't be helped... You have no idea how much I'm fighting the urge to harm my own health just to get into the hospital because I know it's a stupid idea.
But before you start calling me immature and stupid and crazy and whatever else, or say that I'm just seeking attention or that I'm not thinking of the consequences or that I'm just a student, how much stress can I possibly have, and all that kind of things, let me remind you that you're not me, you're not going though what I;m going though...
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