Just a simple girl with big dreams trying to make it in this huge world.

Tuesday, 11 December 2012

Process, People and Results



I don't see the point in trying if nothing I do will ever be good enough for that person... I can try SO hard... But in the end, they will never be happy with what I do. So what's the point?! I try so hard in everything that I do... But in the end my results will just get criticized...
I realized something, all people every care about is the results... My brother once asked... If you were to focus on ONLY ONE of these 3 things, process, people or results, when you were doing something, which would you pick... Typically, my brother and my dad both picked results... And I think it really shows in their character... While I picked people. Because to me, even if the result is a failure, at least my people wouldn't have to suffer because of something that I wanted to accomplish. Because that would be selfish. But for them, the result is all they care about. Even if their people suffer, they wouldn't care, as long as they get what they wanted to.
In my perspective, yes, the result is of course important. But why must you make your people suffer just so they can help you accomplish something YOU wanted to. And I think that that mindset really shows in their character. If my brother were to ask my mum, I'm sure she would say results too. Because it's really obvious how everything they care about is just the results.
For example, my exam results. I work so hard, I studied so hard, but in the end, the exam stress got to me during the actual exam and I blanked out. But all they cared about was the result and they scolded me and gave me the 'disappointment treatment' which really hurt me. Because they didn't even bother to see how much effort I put in for it... Even if they were to pick process, it wouldn't even be that bad. Because at least then, they would see how much effort I had put in in the process. And if they had picked people, they would at least have spared a thought for my feelings and how I wanted to do well, more than they wanted me to.
You know, I think it sucks how every time I don't do well, my parents would scold me and give me the 'disappointment treatment'. Because have they ever spared a thought for me? How I wanted to do well more than they wanted me to do well? And how upset and disappointed I must have been feeling? But no! All they cared about was the results and they would just scold me more and get all disappointed in my face. Did they ever think how that would only have made me feel worse?!
And furthermore, whatever my results is, they will never be satisfied, they will always say 'you can do better'. They will never be happy unless I'm at the top. What they don't understand is that it's impossible for me to be at the top all the time. What's more, I'm in a top school, do you know how hard it is for me to be top?! And do they seriously think that I don't want to be top?! The pressure is on too high for me... And I wish they understood that...

No comments:

Post a Comment