I don't see the point in trying if nothing I do will ever be
good enough for that person... I can try SO hard... But in the end, they will
never be happy with what I do. So what's the point?! I try so hard in everything
that I do... But in the end my results will just get criticized...
I realized something, all people every care about is the
results... My brother once asked... If you were to focus on ONLY ONE of these 3
things, process, people or results, when you were doing something, which would
you pick... Typically, my brother and my dad both picked results... And I think
it really shows in their character... While I picked people. Because to me,
even if the result is a failure, at least my people wouldn't have to suffer
because of something that I wanted to accomplish. Because that would be
selfish. But for them, the result is all they care about. Even if their people
suffer, they wouldn't care, as long as they get what they wanted to.
In my perspective, yes, the result is of course important.
But why must you make your people suffer just so they can help you accomplish
something YOU wanted to. And I think that that mindset really shows in their
character. If my brother were to ask my mum, I'm sure she would say results
too. Because it's really obvious how everything they care about is just the
results.
For example, my exam results. I work so hard, I studied so
hard, but in the end, the exam stress got to me during the actual exam and I
blanked out. But all they cared about was the result and they scolded me and
gave me the 'disappointment treatment' which really hurt me. Because they
didn't even bother to see how much effort I put in for it... Even if they were
to pick process, it wouldn't even be that bad. Because at least then, they
would see how much effort I had put in in the process. And if they had picked
people, they would at least have spared a thought for my feelings and how I
wanted to do well, more than they wanted me to.
You know, I think it sucks how every time I don't do well,
my parents would scold me and give me the 'disappointment treatment'. Because
have they ever spared a thought for me? How I wanted to do well more than they
wanted me to do well? And how upset and disappointed I must have been feeling?
But no! All they cared about was the results and they would just scold me more
and get all disappointed in my face. Did they ever think how that would only
have made me feel worse?!
And furthermore, whatever my results is, they will never be
satisfied, they will always say 'you can do better'. They will never be happy
unless I'm at the top. What they don't understand is that it's impossible for
me to be at the top all the time. What's more, I'm in a top school, do you know
how hard it is for me to be top?! And do they seriously think that I don't want
to be top?! The pressure is on too high for me... And I wish they understood
that...
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