My parents

Hey guys :) I know i haven't updated my blog in a while...

I don't know why, but recently I've been rather irritated and annoyed by my parents... It's just that recently I don't feel the bond with them anymore... I mean, it's not like we're strangers or anything, but it's like we're friends... I feel like I have to be so cautious of my behaviour in front of them... And I can't tell them ANY of my secrets... I feel like I have to be so careful of what I say and do in front of them... They just don't feel like family anymore...

When I think about it... I remember there was this once when I was really stressed out over something... I can't remember what. But then my mum came into my room and she comforted me, and she said that no matter what, she would always be there for me no matter what... As time passed, I realised, when I needed her the MOST, she was nowhere to be found...

Like when I was going to have my very first CCA camp, and she, my dad and my brother were overseas on holiday... I fell sick. I was really scared and I didn't know what to do. I was so stressed about missing my very first CCA camp, and she wasn't even there for me, she was enjoying herself overseas.

Then when I was so worried about my Japanese exam, I was crying like mad in my room, I kept going over to her room to check if she was awake cause I really wanted her to help and comfort me, but she was already sound asleep. And I couldn't stop crying. The worst part was that it was my birthday...

When I fell down because the floor was wet for some reason, and my leg hurt like mad and I couldn't get up, she and my dad were overseas on holiday, enjoying themselves...

These are just some of the many examples... I'm obviously not going to list everything. I know that most of the times, it was never really my mum's fault, but still, it kind of breaks my heart to know that even though she PROMISED she would always be there for me in my times of need, she was never there when I needed her the MOST... It just really hurts...

And what's more is that recently, my mum and dad have just been saying really mean things to me... Like just yesterday, I was already in a very bad mood, and my mum said I was rude when I barely said one sentence... And that one sentence wasn't even anything rude or mean or hurtful, it was just a casual remark ABOUT MYSELF... What's more is that my mum said I was rude when in actual facts, she's the one that is always rude to people... ON PURPOSE... And after that, when I left, I heard my mum telling my dad how rude and mean I was and she started complaining really meanly and sarcastically. It really hurt... Like really, as in I really felt this surging pain in my chest and I could feel tears well up in my eyes...

I mean, I know it's just ONE word, but that one word really stung... What's more was that I was already in a bad mood.

And recently, my parents have been giving me the type of attitude you give people when they are being really horrible people but you can't say it to their face because it wouldn't be nice... It really hurts that my parents would treat me like that... Especially during this period... I can't say what I'm really going through right now, but I really need the support and encouragement of my parents... But when I need them the most, they're shunning me... It hurts... A lot... And it's not like I have done anything terribly wrong... And yet they're shunning my like the plague... And I'm their daughter. I don't even know why they've been so mean and cold towards me... So far, I haven't even gone a day without getting insulted or criticised by them... I haven't gone a day without feeling hurt because of them.

Another thing was that today, I got some really good news... But instead of being happy for me, my dad gave me an attitude and started grilling me about my hand phone usage and all that... That was the first thing he asked me about when he got home... And all the while after that, he kept giving me an attitude like he was angry at me or something... And I didn't even do anything... I know that all the while, my dad never wanted me to get that piece of good news, because to him, it wasn't good news at all, it was just more work... But he knew how much I wanted it... And he knew how hard I worked for it... I wanted it more than anything in the world. Yet, he couldn't be happy for me, and he still had to rain on my parade. Couldn't he at least be happy for me? Not because he wanted me to get that piece of good news, but be happy for me because I was happy and I finally got what I really wanted?! I knew he didn't like me getting that piece of good news, but did he really have to give me an attitude?!

And my mum... When she got home today, because of some really small matter, she said she was really disappointed in us... And I wasn't even involved! In fact I tried to stop it! It really hurt, especially after what happened with my dad. And after that, she started grilling me with questions about every single little thing that I do... Then, she'll criticise what I do and start giving me the "you are such a bad daughter" look...

I'm getting really annoyed at my parents... I mean, yes, I know, I haven't been the most awesome or good daughter... I haven't been a model daughter, but I have been trying my best to at least not offend my parents or make them angry. But all they have done for the past few days is criticise me and grill me with questions about every single little thing, give me attitude and give me the "I'm so disappointed in you" or the "I'm so annoyed with you" look.

I'm not sure if it's because of all my parent's criticism, or something, but I've been feeling really useless and worthless... Like I'm not good at anything I do, and I'm just a failure in everything I do... I think my parents don't realise how much words can hurt... Especially during this period when I need their support the most... I really miss how things used to be... And I really wish my parents knew how much words could hurt...