My parents

Hey guys :) I know i haven't updated my blog in a while...

I don't know why, but recently I've been rather irritated and annoyed by my parents... It's just that recently I don't feel the bond with them anymore... I mean, it's not like we're strangers or anything, but it's like we're friends... I feel like I have to be so cautious of my behaviour in front of them... And I can't tell them ANY of my secrets... I feel like I have to be so careful of what I say and do in front of them... They just don't feel like family anymore...

When I think about it... I remember there was this once when I was really stressed out over something... I can't remember what. But then my mum came into my room and she comforted me, and she said that no matter what, she would always be there for me no matter what... As time passed, I realised, when I needed her the MOST, she was nowhere to be found...

Like when I was going to have my very first CCA camp, and she, my dad and my brother were overseas on holiday... I fell sick. I was really scared and I didn't know what to do. I was so stressed about missing my very first CCA camp, and she wasn't even there for me, she was enjoying herself overseas.

Then when I was so worried about my Japanese exam, I was crying like mad in my room, I kept going over to her room to check if she was awake cause I really wanted her to help and comfort me, but she was already sound asleep. And I couldn't stop crying. The worst part was that it was my birthday...

When I fell down because the floor was wet for some reason, and my leg hurt like mad and I couldn't get up, she and my dad were overseas on holiday, enjoying themselves...

These are just some of the many examples... I'm obviously not going to list everything. I know that most of the times, it was never really my mum's fault, but still, it kind of breaks my heart to know that even though she PROMISED she would always be there for me in my times of need, she was never there when I needed her the MOST... It just really hurts...

And what's more is that recently, my mum and dad have just been saying really mean things to me... Like just yesterday, I was already in a very bad mood, and my mum said I was rude when I barely said one sentence... And that one sentence wasn't even anything rude or mean or hurtful, it was just a casual remark ABOUT MYSELF... What's more is that my mum said I was rude when in actual facts, she's the one that is always rude to people... ON PURPOSE... And after that, when I left, I heard my mum telling my dad how rude and mean I was and she started complaining really meanly and sarcastically. It really hurt... Like really, as in I really felt this surging pain in my chest and I could feel tears well up in my eyes...

I mean, I know it's just ONE word, but that one word really stung... What's more was that I was already in a bad mood.

And recently, my parents have been giving me the type of attitude you give people when they are being really horrible people but you can't say it to their face because it wouldn't be nice... It really hurts that my parents would treat me like that... Especially during this period... I can't say what I'm really going through right now, but I really need the support and encouragement of my parents... But when I need them the most, they're shunning me... It hurts... A lot... And it's not like I have done anything terribly wrong... And yet they're shunning my like the plague... And I'm their daughter. I don't even know why they've been so mean and cold towards me... So far, I haven't even gone a day without getting insulted or criticised by them... I haven't gone a day without feeling hurt because of them.

Another thing was that today, I got some really good news... But instead of being happy for me, my dad gave me an attitude and started grilling me about my hand phone usage and all that... That was the first thing he asked me about when he got home... And all the while after that, he kept giving me an attitude like he was angry at me or something... And I didn't even do anything... I know that all the while, my dad never wanted me to get that piece of good news, because to him, it wasn't good news at all, it was just more work... But he knew how much I wanted it... And he knew how hard I worked for it... I wanted it more than anything in the world. Yet, he couldn't be happy for me, and he still had to rain on my parade. Couldn't he at least be happy for me? Not because he wanted me to get that piece of good news, but be happy for me because I was happy and I finally got what I really wanted?! I knew he didn't like me getting that piece of good news, but did he really have to give me an attitude?!

And my mum... When she got home today, because of some really small matter, she said she was really disappointed in us... And I wasn't even involved! In fact I tried to stop it! It really hurt, especially after what happened with my dad. And after that, she started grilling me with questions about every single little thing that I do... Then, she'll criticise what I do and start giving me the "you are such a bad daughter" look...

I'm getting really annoyed at my parents... I mean, yes, I know, I haven't been the most awesome or good daughter... I haven't been a model daughter, but I have been trying my best to at least not offend my parents or make them angry. But all they have done for the past few days is criticise me and grill me with questions about every single little thing, give me attitude and give me the "I'm so disappointed in you" or the "I'm so annoyed with you" look.

I'm not sure if it's because of all my parent's criticism, or something, but I've been feeling really useless and worthless... Like I'm not good at anything I do, and I'm just a failure in everything I do... I think my parents don't realise how much words can hurt... Especially during this period when I need their support the most... I really miss how things used to be... And I really wish my parents knew how much words could hurt...

Staycation... Again...

Hey guys :) I know I just posted about wanting to go on a staycation like yesterday, so I'm sorry about writing about the same thing. Anyway, I don't know why, but today I just kept thinking about going on a staycation for some odd reason.

The thing is... Today, I suddenly thought back to the times when my family and me were on vacation... I mean yes, sometimes my family can be really insensitive and their words can be a little harsh and I will get pissed and annoyed at them. But when I think back, those times don't seem so bad anymore. I mean, if I summarise my trips one by one, I can say that overall, I had a really awesome time.

To be completely honest, I didn't really treasure the times I had when I was on vacation. And now I regret it. If I could relive those times again, I would really enjoy the time I was having instead of taking it for granted. But sadly, we can't rewind time... 

Actually, I'm kind of sad and jealous because everyone is going on vacation now but I'm not. I would actually really enjoy going on a staycation to Resorts World Sentosa... But the thing is that my dad thinks that staycations are stupid because you might as well save that money spent on the hotel and sleep at home instead. But for me, I beg to differ. Because to me, going on a staycation is like going overseas on a vacation but except without having to worry about what if there's an important message or what if the sender thinks you're being rude because you didn't reply and things like that. So for me, it's only on a staycation where I can completely unwind and enjoy without worries. Sadly, my parents think differently... 

I really think that I'm getting really stressed up and I really need to unwind... I know that isn't what someone should say about themselves, and that it isn't up to us to judge these kind of things... But in my HONEST opinion, I think a staycation would be really good for my family and me... The thing is that, my parents just came back from going overseas together to celebrate their anniversary...And they've been going overseas together a lot lately... But my brother and me hardly ever see them... They always spend time together, but we hardly spend time as a family... I mean, yes, we did just go to the Adventure Cove Water Park as a family, but other than that, we hardly ever spend time as a family because my parents leave for work really early and come back really late... And even during weekends, we are all in our own rooms and hardly come out to talk to each other... I feel that as a family, the parents and children bond is growing apart... There has been so much happening to me lately but my parents don't know...

I just really need to unwind and spend some time with my family... But my parents don't see it the same way... And I really don't know when is the next time we can actually relax together as a family...

Staycation...

I really feel like going for a staycation... Yesterday my mum and dad brought my brother and me to Adventure Cove Water Park at Resorts World Sentosa. It was really awesome. It was a lot more fun than I expected it to be. But sadly, the trip there, made me want a staycation more than before.

I remember the last time we went for a staycation in September... It was the most fun I have had in years. We went to Universal Studios and we stayed at Resorts World Sentosa for 2 days in a really cool hotel with a bunk bed. To be honest, I was really quite fascinated by the bunk bed haha.

And furthermore, every time we go for a holiday overseas, I will be really worried about what if my CCA suddenly calls us back for something important and I don't know and can't go back. And what if they SMS us and I don't reply cause I'm overseas and they think I'm being rude and all that.

So if we are at a staycation, then I will at least know if my CCA calls us back and if it's really important I can at least ask my dad to drive me there for a while then come back to have fun. And at least if they SMS, I can reply them. And to be honest, the last staycation we went to was more fun then the trip we had to Malaysia. And so I really hope that we could go for a staycation. But my mum and dad have never said anything about going on a staycation during the December holidays. And even though I know it's near to impossible, I really hope they are going to surprise us and bring us on a surprise visit there. But I doubt they will... :(

And furthermore, if we don't go on a staycation to Resorts Wrold Sentosa this holiday, I don't know when will be the next time we can go. Because in March, my dad is graduating at his overseas university so he and my mum are going over there for the whole week of my holiday...

And I mean HONESTLY, I think a staycation would be good for me. I'm really stressed up and I need to unwind... But it's highly impossible that my parents will bring my brother and me there... :(

Vote For Demi!!!

Hey guys :D I know my blog has like probably no readers at all, but if you happen to be reading this, please vote for Demi Lovato for the People's Choice Awards. Demi is really my idol and she has helped me in so many ways, but I'll talk more about this next time. But please vote for her :) she deserves it... Please... She's gone through so much and I would be so happy for her if she won. So please go to the link below to vote for her under celebrity judge, favorite pop artist and favorite music fan following... Please... :) thank you :)

http://www.peopleschoice.com/pca/votenow.jsp

Process, People and Results

I don't see the point in trying if nothing I do will ever be good enough for that person... I can try SO hard... But in the end, they will never be happy with what I do. So what's the point?! I try so hard in everything that I do... But in the end my results will just get criticized...

I realized something, all people every care about is the results... My brother once asked... If you were to focus on ONLY ONE of these 3 things, process, people or results, when you were doing something, which would you pick... Typically, my brother and my dad both picked results... And I think it really shows in their character... While I picked people. Because to me, even if the result is a failure, at least my people wouldn't have to suffer because of something that I wanted to accomplish. Because that would be selfish. But for them, the result is all they care about. Even if their people suffer, they wouldn't care, as long as they get what they wanted to.

In my perspective, yes, the result is of course important. But why must you make your people suffer just so they can help you accomplish something YOU wanted to. And I think that that mindset really shows in their character. If my brother were to ask my mum, I'm sure she would say results too. Because it's really obvious how everything they care about is just the results.

For example, my exam results. I work so hard, I studied so hard, but in the end, the exam stress got to me during the actual exam and I blanked out. But all they cared about was the result and they scolded me and gave me the 'disappointment treatment' which really hurt me. Because they didn't even bother to see how much effort I put in for it... Even if they were to pick process, it wouldn't even be that bad. Because at least then, they would see how much effort I had put in in the process. And if they had picked people, they would at least have spared a thought for my feelings and how I wanted to do well, more than they wanted me to.

You know, I think it sucks how every time I don't do well, my parents would scold me and give me the 'disappointment treatment'. Because have they ever spared a thought for me? How I wanted to do well more than they wanted me to do well? And how upset and disappointed I must have been feeling? But no! All they cared about was the results and they would just scold me more and get all disappointed in my face. Did they ever think how that would only have made me feel worse?!

And furthermore, whatever my results is, they will never be satisfied, they will always say 'you can do better'. They will never be happy unless I'm at the top. What they don't understand is that it's impossible for me to be at the top all the time. What's more, I'm in a top school, do you know how hard it is for me to be top?! And do they seriously think that I don't want to be top?! The pressure is on too high for me... And I wish they understood that...