My Brother

I really don't know what to think when it comes to my brother. As far as I know, my parents always compare me to my brother. And because my brother's academics wasn't very good, my parents pinned all their academic hopes on me. Eventually, the stress was too much for me, and I kinda let it overwhelm me. Eventually, my grades started dropping... And of course, that led to more stress.

The thing is, I have never been interested in science and so I've never really don't well. And I've also never been good in maths. But my brother ABSOLUTELY LOVES maths and science and so he does quite well although his other subjects may not be that good. And because my brother is good in maths and science, my parents expect me to be just as good as him. But I'm not! Because I have absolutely no interest in maths and science. But I've been giving myself pressure over this... And the more I think about it, the more I find that my brother is so much better than me. I mean I used to at least win him in academics, but now, my academics has been getting worse and his academics has been getting better. And his character is so much Bette then mine. He is kind and generous and all that. And my parents think he's so sweet and always helps then save money and all that. While to my parents, I'm hot tempered and always spends money like crazy and all that. And the more I think about it, the more I think it's true. I can never compare to my brother. It's a no wonder my parents love him so much. But the thing is that sometimes I just find him so annoying and irritating and inconsiderate. It's like he thinks everything is all about him. For example, he and I both have the same Chinese tuition, but every time the teacher messages him about like changes in lesson times or dates, he NEVER asks me. He just thinks as long as HE is free, then it's fine. And sometimes he doesn't even remember he has something on and needs me to remind him AFTER I FIND OUT! Like sometimes he has medical appointments or appointments at the National Skin Centre (cause he has too many pimples :P) and be doesn't even remember and I have to tell him. He really expects the whole world to serve him and revolve around him. He thinks everything is just about him. Which is why I'm so confused. Because sometimes I just find that he is such a good son and he's so perfect to my parents all the time and I can't compete with him. But sometimes I just find him so self-centered and so selfish and inconsiderate. That's why I just feel really frustrated about it. I don't even know what to think anymore...

The Pressure Is ON!

Hey guys! So recently, I was given a leadership position, which I shall not mention here. But anyway, I was really hoping I would get that position since the start of last year and I finally got my wish at the end of last year! I was so elated, I couldn't express how happy I was. Another thing I was hoping for, was that I would get selected to represent my school in a competition. Looking back, I realise how many things I was hoping for last year. I was really greedy. Haha! And at the start of this year, I finally got the news that I was selected to represent my school in the competition! I was just at a loss for words! So many things were finally going my way! My hard work had paid of at last! The thing I didn't think of was that the hard work was only just beginning...

The thing is that, I just really wanted the leadership position, partially because I wanted to serve people, but I have to admit that the arrogant part of me actually wanted the position because people would look up to me and I would be respected, and it looked cool to me... or so I thought... It was only after I started my leadership duties and started training for the competition, did I realise that it was just the tip of the iceberg... 

After getting my leadership position, I realised how I no longer have any freedom, and I had to be super wary of my every actions. Because people would always be looking at me as a leader, and just the slightest mistake could cost me my position and my name would go down the drain. I guess it was my fault, I should have known that "with power comes responsibilities". But I only expected that I had to carry out my duties well, that was it. I didn't expect that I would have to lose my freedom for that position. It's like, one little mistake, and people would be like "woah, leader do that ah! Later you get stripped of your title then you know".Don't get me wrong, of course I know that as a leader I had to be more careful as I was the role model for so many people. But I didn't know that it would be this extreme where you can't even go an hour without being criticised or threatened of your position. The pressure is just extreme! Everybody expects so much from me that I'm also starting to expect so much from myself. It's just really stressful. I know that as a leader, I have to be a role model, but why can't people understand that nobody is perfect, and everybody makes mistakes?! I may hold a leadership position, but I'm still a human. Why is it that I don't get leeway for mistakes just like everyone else?! Of course, I hold a leadership position, but I still deserve a little space for mistakes right? Just maybe a smaller space than everyone else, that's all. Why is it that everyone must push me to the edge?! I'm still a human just like everyone else, I make mistakes too! You know how stressful it gets when you always HAVE to 'rise to the occasion' and you're not allowed to make any mistakes or breakdown? I mean, it's ridiculous! Leaders are humans too, we all make mistakes...

Another thing was that after I started training for the competition, all my friends have been putting so much pressure on me to win the competition. I mean, I know that I was selected to represent the school, so I had to do my best, and if possible, I had to win. But still, was there really a need to put so much pressure on me to win?! I've been really busy lately and there's just been so much to do, and obviously, I want to try my best for my competition so that I can do everyone proud, but could people at least give me a little space so I can breathe?! It's like being surrounded by so many people who just expect so much from you, and suffocating you, knowing you can't deliver.

I just really don't know what to do anymore. I know that I was given the leadership position and the chance to represent the school in the competition because everyone believed in me and expected me to be able to do them all proud. And don't get me wrong, I really appreciate everyone for giving me the opportunity and all, but I just need them to understand that I'm just a human like them, and there's only so much I can take. So I just really need a little space and understanding from them.

And to the people who are just jealous that I got the leadership position and the chance to represent the school, and are just trying to bring me down, go get a life will you? I really don't have the time and energy to be bothered with you. And just so you know, I won't let you bring me down, because I know that there's so many people out there who support me, and I won't let them, and the people who gave me the opportunities down.